Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
