Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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