To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
