My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
