Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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