No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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