I could make wine with my vomit
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
