This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
