worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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