I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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