I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
