Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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