I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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