He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
