I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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