FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
