I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Randomize