i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
