Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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