No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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