if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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