Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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