you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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