just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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