Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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