How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
