I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
