my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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