i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize