You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
