In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
