can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize