We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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