i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
