she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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