how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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