My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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