I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
