guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
