My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
