Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
