I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
