So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
nutella sex= disaster
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
