I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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