Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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