I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
