sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
