He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
