My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
