dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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