I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am one with the molecules
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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