The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's like iHOP with fire
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
