I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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