When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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