I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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