well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do vagina's smell?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
