I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
