you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
