i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize