did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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