We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
