and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the day after is always just damage control
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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