You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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