i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize