Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize