CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
